Remove the Inner Shackles
- Independent Ink
- Dec 25, 2025
- 4 min read
‘We built high walls to protect them from the storm. But walls also block out the sun, and sometimes, the children inside withered or sought escape through cracks we didn't know were there.’
By Rao Farman Ali
The world over, adolescence brings universal turmoil. Hormones surge, identities form, and anxieties mount. But in Kashmir, there's an added weight -- the ability to navigate deep and complex emotions becomes a survival skill in itself.
"There is a constant, low-grade fever of anxiety," says a teacher in Anantnag of South Kashmir. "The children are anxious. They fear things, they see things. The old model was to shut down the questions. Don't ask, just study. But the questions don't disappear; they fester, sometimes manifesting as anxiety, depression, or worse, even as alienation and despair itself."
Conscious parenting leans directly into this intellectual and emotional curiosity. In a land where narratives clash and despair is real, the ability to question ideas and process complex emotions is a survival skill.
The drumbeat of politicians and the weaponised words of propaganda are daily realities —constant interruptions of choices that limit how to grieve, mourn or even understand one's own lived experience.
"My son came to me last week after hearing a particularly fiery speech," shares Bashir Ahmed, a writer and educator from Srinagar. "He asked if what the leader said was true. I told him, it may contain fragments of truth, but it is not the whole truth. We talked about how words can be weapons that destroy, or tools that build peace, rather than make it. I don't give him a simple answer. I give him a framework to think for himself. If I don't, the streets or the dealers will give him a much more dangerous one."
This approach is encapsulated in the words of the great Brazilian educator, Paulo Freire: "The function of education is to launch one to think otherwise and to think critically, intelligence along with character—that is the goal of true education."
In Kashmir, this means instilling a brave, applied curiosity in the most fundamental of questions:
What is peace?
What is violence?
What are their true costs?
What are the dividends of peace?
How can goals be achieved through non-violence, and what can be avoided or tolerated?
Parents are deliberately creating spaces to discuss the "dividends of peace" while contrasting this with the "negativity of violence", not just to address physical safety, but to counter the enduring legacy of trauma and addiction.
Identify the Skill Set: From Liability to Asset
Conscious parenting seeks to overturn the job-related frustration by fostering an entrepreneurial, problem-solving spirit from a young age.
It's about seeing the conflicts of daily life—from power cuts to water scarcity to social friction—as problems to be solved, allowing children to transform a set of solutions into opportunities.
"We were at a family gathering and the talk turned to the 'hopeless' situation here," recounts Manisa Sultan, a mother and social entrepreneur. "My 14-year-old daughter, who had been quiet, suddenly said, 'But what if we started a cooperative for saffron farmers to sell directly online, cutting out the middlemen who exploit them?' She had identified a problem and proposed a solution. That is the skill set we must encourage—analytical thinking, confidence, and cooperation. This is the antidote to the hopelessness that leads to addiction."
The shift from seeing children as passive recipients of a broken world, to active agents of its repair, is fundamental. As author and leadership expert Stephen Covey noted: "The key is not to prioritise what's on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities."
Remove the Inner Shackles
In the kitchen of a home in old town of Anantnag, a grandmother, Sajida (Saja), watches her daughter-in-law engage her children in this new way. She stimulates the debates, the encouragement of art, the lack of pressure. She remembers a different time, but prays for the collective good of the children, their dignity and protection through curiosity.
"We raised our children like fortresses," she says, her voice a soft rustle. "We built high walls to protect them from the storm. But walls also block out the sun, and sometimes, the children inside withered or sought escape through cracks we didn't know were there. These new parents, they are not building walls. They are teaching their children to read the weather, to understand the wind's direction, to know when to take shelter and when it will work. The ocean is still very rough, and there are new whirlpools of competition, despair—winners and losers; this is essentially the situation.”
She adds with a slow, hopeful smile, "At least they will not be trapped inside, waiting for the storm.”
Editor's Note: This is the first of a two-part part series on crisis in adolescence and conscious parenting in Kashmir. The names of the persons figuring in this feature have been changed to protect their identity.
Courtesy Kashmir Times